Managing the managing

We have all been through tough times, and we have all been asked. We have been asked, we have been told we have been preached to. I hear it too. All the time. Its a question with sincere intentions, yet a question that seems to do no justice to the hard work we do, to the tough times we push through, to the challenges we face and to the successes we achieve.
"How are you managing while your husband is away?" "How are you going to manage while he is away?" "Are you managing on your own?" Manage, manage, manage.
I used to answer just as despairingly as I was asked because I truly believed that all I could possibly do while my husband was away in camp, and more recently during his initial military chaplain training, was to just manage. "Yes, we are managing. We will manage and get through it."
Until one day it hit me. I am not JUST managing. I am NOT going to manage through the months alone while he is far away. I will not simply manage during his eventual long term deployments. I do not manage at all, and I will not manage in the future.
I used to manage. I used to hold my breath from the minute he left until the minute he got back, counting down the days until his return, coping, dealing, despairing. I would grumble about being left alone with more responsibilities I could juggle and I would let the stress of taking care of the kids by myself work its way deep into my bones. I would grow resentful, exhausted and firm in my convictions that he will never go away again.
And then I learned.Gd put each and every one of us exactly where are supposed to be and doing precisely what we are meant to be doing. I was wasting my time and talents surviving and getting by. I needed to step up, accomplish, achieve, take charge of the way I felt and what I did about those feelings. I didn't want to languish and tire every time my husband went away. And I knew that his absence during the summer months was just a taste and a preparation of what was yet to come. I knew I had to step up. And so as I watched my husband leave on his adventures and new journeys full of determination and enthusiasm, and I grabbed hold of some that and I didn't let go. Slowly things started to change. Signs of life and color were to be found around the house. I discovered that it was in fact possible to smile when my husband wasn't there. It was ok to enjoy myself and find a way to inspire and be inspired, to succeed and to grow, to rely on myself and others, to take care of everything and everyone, even while he was away. I learned it was OK to not get everything done perfectly, and I learned that most problems have fixable solutions that I could figure out on my own.
While he was away being formally trained in the United States Army, I was also being trained, although quite informally and in a very different, incomparable way. I was being instructed by my intuition, determination and faith, while he was being instructed by his officers and sergeants, both of us drilled, exercised and tasked to the bone, spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. He came back after three long months tougher, stronger and more determined than before. And I came away from this experience knowing myself better than I ever have and knowing that I CAN. 
So no, I do not manage anymore. I do my best to thrive and strive, I find my groove and I try to stick to it. I paint, I write and I go to bed early. And when people ask how I do it while he's gone, my answer is that I just do what I need to, with a lot of added color. No, I do not want him to be away, at all, ever. The fact is though, that he does go away often, and will be doing so for many years to come Gd willing. So what's it gonna be? Will I sink or swim?

The traveling medicine cabinet

Reflections and musings on the night before a journey...
I just packed up a first aid kit for my husband to take on his trip. I tried to be slim with my pickings so I wouldn't overload him on unnecessary herbs and remedies. I tried not to overlap on remedies that can do the same job but I also tried to include things thhat can serve multiple purposes. I tried to limit it but I kept getting carried away as I looked through my boxes and bags and bottles and jars. There's just too many good things to choose from.
So here goes...
Bentonite clay food grade and cosmetic
Goldneseal powder
Propolis powder
SA (sodium ascorbate)
Charcoal
Lavendar and tea tree oils
Throat spray
Arnica pellets and oil
Bidens tincture
Dried herbs of licorice, horsetail and nettles
Bag of dried ingredients to make elderberry syrup

Raw milk, bones for broth and raw honey can be gotten there Gd willing.
Maybe I should swap the charcoal out for the comfrey/calendula salve.
What about mag flakes for sore muscles?
What if I Just send some of everything that I have?
If I could only choose two items what would they be?
As I sink into bed with my propolis stained hands and iodine soaked teeth, I think that maybe I shouldn't send anything at all and hold strong to my emunah, no bags no jars no labels. Just pure faithg and belief that all will be ok. After all, emunah is the best remedy isn't it?

But wait...what about the rosemary?!